The first step is to admit you have a problem, and accept that you are powerless to overcome it.
The second step is to put your faith in a higher power to restore you to sanity.
I put my faith in science.
I struggle with major depressive disorder, and probably avoidant personality disorder, and possible some other things. I have been aware of this problem for years, and have been incapable of handling it. I've tried to get help, from friends, from therapists, and despite the help they've given I have continued to fail to cope.
My previous therapists have tried to take the role of life coach, or in one case, surrogate mother. This did not help me, and my shame at failing to improve under their guidance resulted in my avoiding them and ceasing care.
I don't want a coach, I don't want another mother, I want a goddamn scientist to use science to fix my problem. I understand that there is no magic "you're fixed!" button that they can press and shoot a laser at my brain and make me better. Science takes time. As a scientist myself I understand that.
That is why, when I checked in to the University of Michigan Depression Center, and my therapist started discussing with me, from one scientist to another, how we are going to deal with my problems with a systematic, slow but steady approach, I finally feel hope again.
This blog will chronicle the events of my life over the course of my treatment. I hope to update at least once a week, after each therapy session, but I admit the possibly of suddenly stopping and never updating again.
In addition, I hope to talk further about the faith I have in science, and how that affects my view of the world. My writing will probably be poorly developed, this isn't really a thing I do. But this is for me, so I'll do it anyways.
